Thursday, May 3, 2007

Current mood: Thirsty.

mmmmm Dr. Pepper. I wanted it so bad.
Before I was even a twinkle in my Daddy's eye, I was predisposed to a genetic defect called clumsiness. ( you can tell that this does not end well) All day at work I had been craving DP. There aren't many things that I crave besides chocolate, and well...... I wouldn't call that a craving but rather a deep seeded need ( I would squeeze puppies, kittens and pinch small children, that stood between myself and chocolate). I am not a pop drinker, but there was just something about DP that day that I had to have. I stopped at Wendy's that evening to get some nuggets and a baked tater, and lo ... what is that on the menu I see. As sure as my name is Mary, there was Dp on the menu.
Thru the window the cashier passed me the Glistening 32 oz. object of my desire. I carressed it, maybe even introduced myself, it's all a blurr, the anticipation left me numb. I set it gently next to me in the cup holder and made my way to the homestead. I wait to put the straw in, this needs to be enjoyed, nay savored...... from the comfort of my couch.
I pull in humming a cheerful tune, and start to gather all my stuff to heft up to my 2nd floor apartment. For those of you that don't know me. I am lazy. My mantra is " Give lazy man a job to do, and he will find and easier way to do it." So..... I have a few things to carry in, camera, overnight bag, a few Walmart bags, purse (aka Bertha), and Wendy's. Let us not forget the Doctor Pepper. Any normal person would make 2 trips, not I. So I made it to the top of the stairs, the very last step to be exact. (dialogue in my head: must reach for keys, damn, where are they ? pocket ? purse ? must shift all this weight around ) And that's when it happened. I shifted the overnight bag, it throws me off balance, the 32 oz cup begins to fall forward, slllllloooowwwww moootttttttionnnnnnnn. I try to grab it with my other hand. It has nearly turned upside down, I make the last step. The cup still in motion, hits my knee, and then the floor. Right in front of the crazy neighbors door. All over her door.... all over her wall. ( mental dialogue: please sweet Jesus, do not let the crazy beast waken) Oh shit, I can hear her coming towards the door, no... where..... to..... hide. The door to Purgatory opens and emerges the wild haired crazy lady. She will want to talk. I assured her it was just me and that I'd be out in a second with a towel to clean up the mess. My sweet beautiful Doctor Pepper. So young, gone before it's time. I leave Crazy in the hall with her Demons, when I come back, she is gone. Great......what's gonna happen when I have to wipe all that stuff off her door, she think I'm a burglar trying to break in.
I clean up my mess, shed a tear, say a prayer for the dearly departed DP, and head back to my apartment. A few hours later, Crazy summons the voice of the chick from the Exorcist and starts yelling about being sick of the Fucking perverts, and "She's a fuckinnnnnnnnnnnnn whhhhoooreeee anyways". I can't help but wonder if she thinks that about me, since I don't spend that much time at my place. I tip toed to the door( time for a little peephole vision to see if I could catch her slamming doors and what not). She never came out. My cell phone has a recording feature on it, so I open the door a crack, just as she's giving another gutteral incorrherrent tirade. I must share this with other people. Unfortunately, the phone records for a few seconds and then lets out a shrill beep. It almost sounds like a police walkie. I quickly pull my arm back in. She stops, I hear her sneak towards her door. We are peeping at each other thru peephole vision. I'm sweating, did she see me ? she thinks I'm the po, she will be quiet now. I go back to my room to listen to what I have. I want to share with others the horror of living across from Crazy itself. I listen, it's rather garbled, what it actually sounds like is an excerpt from Ghost Hunters, you know how they try to record paranormal activity ? It's all quiet...... then you hear an eerie whisper........., but you know it's not a whisper..............
Now that I have myself clearly freaked out...... next time we hang out I'll play the recording for you........... until then, my door is securley locked.
All this for a pop............Oh sweet Dr. Pepper, we will meet again.

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